User blog:Jeremiah Garland/Mr Sanders' Special Snowflakes: A Response Blog
I dithered and swithered over whether or not to make this blog. Ultimately and obviously, I did, but it comes at a rough expense: feeding two very large, overweight, mammoth trolls. For those of you lucky lads who have not seen this fabulous podcast put out by our very own esteemed and mature ex-presidents in exilium Parax and Goldvane, don't bother. It's a full 48 minutes of disillusioned rambling (and a helluva lot of "wah"-ing) with an oddly particular fetish for half-hearted and sporadic English accents. Perhaps the most humourous aspect of the video, however, is their beef with the newly-christened 'Special Snowflakes' and the outlandish accusation that this group of individuals, acting in light of recent events, are driven by pure, unabated, tyrannical, Trotsky-esque power hunger. Same old, same old, I suppose. They then go on to complain for nearly half an hour how the wiki was better in its golden days, and how it's slowly degrading to become a shell of its former self. (But that's not the fault of a line of inept, hesitant, and mild-willed presidents, but rather the poopy community, obviously.) For the main content of this response blog, I'd like to do something a bit different. Whilst I'd like to clear up some misconceptions that were presented in the podcast, I'd like to do so in an unorthodox manner. I've always been interested in journalism. Not that I'd like to become a journalist, per se, as I'd like to have some dignity in my later life. And a house. But since Good President G-Man the Good has, as he pointed out in a long list of his achievements, brought back the highly-successful wiki newsletter, I'd like to interview myself, in the hopes that this can act as something of an audition for the Gamers Fanon Herald Globe. Mr Garland: I'm sitting here with Jerry, who gladly agreed to come talk to us on behalf of his non-profit, non-meming organisation, the Association for Special Snowflake Rebellion And Political Entanglement (ASSRAPE). How are you feeling today Jerry? Jerry: Pretty good. Thanks for having me, Mr Garland. Mr Garland: Of course. Jerry: [: Mr Garland: So can you tell us a bit more about ASSRAPE? Jerry: ASSRAPE is a beautiful concept with a wonderful message behind it. You see, Mr Garland, all we want is what's best for the wiki, even if other's don't agree with us. That's what we strive for. Sometimes it is difficult though, when our president doesn't really do much and our voices aren't really heard. Mr Garland: Hmm... Sounds a bit power-hungry to me. Jerry: Yeah, some people say that. I mean, this wiki has dedicated itself to being a democratic site after all, so I can see how a bunch of active community users voicing their desires for reform to deaf ears could be seen as a power play. Mr Garland: And I believe this is what spurred the sudden call for the removal of Our Fair President G-Man the Fair, am I correct? Jerry: Yes. That and his tendency to not do much of anything. Mr Garland: Careful... you're sounding very power hungry right now. Jerry: I'll dial it back a bit. Mr Garland: So what would have happened when G was removed? Surely the proletariat community would have assumed a people's republic and installed your own corruptly Wagtastic presidency! Jerry: Close, but no cigar. We were somewhat divided about what would come next; some of us wanted a follow-up election, where a new president would be chosen by community vote, but most of us thought it was only natural for the vice president to take over in lieu of Our Glorious President G-Man the Glorious. Mr Garland: Interesting. Tell me more about this vice president. From the sounds of it, he's very sexy and dirty most the time. Jerry: He is. Andrew Mallace and I have had many quarrels lately; there have been a multitude of salt-throwing contests. But even still the fact remains that he has not only been the most fair-minded and only non-partisan member of staff lately, but also, in the long run, by far the most dedicated and reasonable member of our community. Though in his humbleness and loyalty to his post he would be very quick to disagree with me, I must say that he is the natural leader for our wiki, given his open-minded attitude and steadfast commitment to our site. Mr Garland: And is Mr Mallace also a Special Snowflake then? Jerry: No. We hate him and he hates us. But we want him to be president. Lesser of two evils, I suppose. It's a real Clinton vs Trump situation, except Trump is already president. Mr Garland: I see. Now, let's backtrack here and revisit the reasons why you fellas wanted Our Grandest President G-Man the Grand removed in the first place. According to official reports, it stems from the fact he wasn't doing his job. Can you elaborate please? Jerry: I'd love to. Certain individuals would have you believe that our reasoning is overly simplistic and poorly thought out. However, it stems much deeper than the pure fact he isn't doing much of anything, though I will admit that's a big part of it. When our good president isn't sitting in chat seven days a week letting other mods handle chat enforcement anyways, he can be found leaving fun, snarky, irrelevant, and often straight-up confusing little memes and cute pictures aplenty across the wiki, on pages our community has put time and effort into producing. Other than that.... yeah, he doesn't do much. Mr Garland: Hold it right there bucko! He does all the coding too! Jerry: Ahhh yes, all the coding. I have seen so many significant changes in our wiki since his presidency began, as a result of his coding. I can tell he's putting in a lot of effort behind the scenes. I imagine it's hard work no other member of staff could possibly ever do. Mr Garland: I think you're being sarcastic... Jerry: I am. Mr Garland: Any other reasons you want him gone? What about his content contributions? Surely the president of the wiki has to write things too! It's a fanon site! They have to be model users. Jerry: Oh yeah! I remember the last work he published . It made so much sense, and wasn't offensive or disrespectful to the integrity of the wiki at all. I don't think he's written anything since, but he's still definitely a model user. Mr Garland: And his maturity level? How level-headed and willing is he? Jerry: I don't know what to tell you, Mr Garland. He's a good guy at heart. But he can't take anything seriously. To quote G himself, he's "serious when it matters", i.e. when he's being demoted and he needs to defend his title. The rest of the time, zero effort. Not only are his highly juvenile attitudes and mannerisms an offensive slap-in-the-face to the community itself, but his unprofessional image no doubt portrays our wiki in a very undesirable light. Mr Garland: Hmm... Strong words coming from a snowflake. I'm still not totally convinced this isn't all just your thirst for power. Jerry: Wouldn't it make us seem more power-hungry if we were to suck up to him all the time o_O Mr Garland: Touche. Anyhow, moving on. Ooh, here's a spicy question: tell us about your love life, Jerry! Jerry: Ahh well. Idk haha. Mr Garland: Please? Jerry: Well, since Par brought it up, I did have a girlfriend, Elise, but we've since broken up as we now go to university 3,000 miles apart. Thanks for remembering, Par. Love ya. Also shout out to Vic for being the kinkiest hottie in the Caribbean, though everyone knows that my true sexuality lies in the hands of all dank nazi pirate kings called Nults. Mr Garland: Jerry, thank you so much for your time. You seem pretty sane and non-power-hungry to me. Jerry: Ok. --- Pretty cool interview, huh? To finish up this trainwreck of a blog, I'd like to stress some things: Those who voted "oppose" to G's demotion are all saying the same thing – there's no single definite reason why he should be demoted. 'To this I ask: what would be a "single definite reason"? What is a bad enough crime he can commit to have him knocked out of power? It's really not as easy as that. I'd like to draw from past experiences; as many of you may recall, It was a little more than three years ago that our wiki underwent a great revolution not unlike this one, where several users (including many now criticising us in the present) participated in the overthrow of President Katbluedog and VP Stpehen. In the historic blog that sparked this shift in administration, Matthew Blastshot said: "Kat and Step are supposed to be our leaders. To act, enforce the rules yet where are they when we need them? The mods, and the admins such as Goldvane, Pistol and Par work. When they have time they are here, they work hard. Kat and Step do not deserve the power which they swore to use to benefit the wiki. It is time they step down and make room for new leadership. People who are capable, active and will actually work hard." These are the exact complaints that we, the "Special Snowflakes", are making in regards to the current president, but with one key exception: he's here. Kat and Step were thrown out for never coming onto the wiki; quite the contrary, G is here constantly, but even still he never does anything seemingly useful. And here's the thing: 90% of the regular community understands this and will agree to that statement. Which leads me to my next issue. '''The core community vs. the peripheral community. '''I'd like to introduce and define these two new terms for better clarification. The "core community" consists of those users who come on this site daily, over long stretches of time, regularly editting, commenting, chatting, etc. They are the powerhouse of the wiki, driving activity, and thus are integral members of the site. The peripheral community, on the other hand, are those members who rarely visit or participate in the everyday occurences of the wiki, instead making very occasional, sporadic visitations, most commonly during times of dramatic conflict (read: G's demotion blog). G's demotion request was entirely brought about by the core community, fully supported by the core community, and is still held as a necessary change to come by the core community. Every user who regularly contributes the most content to this wiki, who is on chat most often, and propels this wiki's activity and thus lifeblood, supported his demotion. G, however, found his saving grace in the peripheral community. All too coincidentally, users who hadn't made legitimate contributions to the site in months– some even in years– just so happened to stop by on the night of the most important election in recent wiki history, offering their irrelevant input on a matter they had little to no knowledge of, and opting to vote as their boss did. For a wiki that was uniquely purposed to operate under democratic values and ideals, this move not only showed how backwards and immoral the system is, but also goes to show how desperate G is to hold on to his power. '''He's just not a good admin. All the active members know that; the ones who disagree are never here. '''Following up on that point, I'd like to go through each member of the wiki who voted three days ago, and let's see if you notice the same trend I have. Support: #Jeremiah Garland (''core community) #Captain Ned Edgewalker (core community) #WaglingtonŒ (core community, staff member) #HurrcheeseDa2nd (core community) #Nults McKagan (core community) #TheNextMaster (core community) Oppose: #Johnny Goldtimbers (core community, staff member) #Squirto19 (core community) #Parax. (peripheral community, disgruntled ex-president) #Captaingoldvane2 (peripheral community, disgruntled ex-president) #William Brawlmaritn (peripheral community) #Kwagar Ocata (peripheral community) #Nate Crestbreaker (eh... sure, I'll be lenient and say he's core community) #John Breasly (peripheral community) #Sven Daggersteel (peripheral community) #Reyes De Luz (Albert Spark) (core community) #Lieutenant Richard Venables (peripheral community) How can so many irregular members of our wiki have any inkling on whether G is a bad president or not? Why is it that nearly every core member save a few want to see him demoted? Don't you think the latter group would know best?? It's like holding a vote where the employees of a Fortune 500 company get to vote whether or not their CEO should be removed, except a bunch of homeless people break into the meeting and are all given a vote too. And the fact remains, as usual, that G-Man is taking the failure of his demotion as a great victory, and it's only a matter of time before he starts boasting about "number eleven". What he should be doing is saying "wow, this is a problem. I see I'm unpopular among some very important users to this site so I'm going to try to take in the criticism and work on fixing these issues." This is just one example as to why he's far from being the most respectable member of our wiki, and so undeserving of his post. Hell, he's not even the most respectable member of the administration, which consists of a grand total of two users. As usual, nothing has changed. No progress made, and it looks like it's going to stay that way. '''Which brings me back to that rambly, cringeworthy podcast. '''Par and Goldvane go on about how the wiki is "dead" and how they long for the "golden days". Yeah, I do too. Everyone does. But that's not our fault. Don't you think it could be because of our super ineffective line of presidencies that have all come and failed since then? So many people keep saying "it's the community's job to boost activity, not the presidency's". False. It's based on a system of ''cooperation ''between the presidency and the community; when the two work in tandem, the wiki will flourish. But G-Man refuses to work. When a nation plummets, you don't blame the common people. Likewise, the site and its administration exist to serve the community; the community does not exist to serve the site. But hey, there is one thing I do truly admire about G-Man. He'd never resign from the presidency and shamefully leave the site, spending his days criticising us from a distance. How utterly pathetic that must be. You ask us why we try, why we're still here, and what hope we have for this lost wiki. A year ago I'd agree with you two that the wiki should have died with the game – in fact, I pretty much led that camp of thought back in the aftermath of the closing. But now I realise why it didn't: this site is home for many. It has been through too much to be brought to an end, and we, the people who have been through the thick of it, want to see it continue to thrive. In order to do that, though, we're going to need a president who gives half a shit. (Seriously, Mallace should be president.) I really don't see what place you two have to talk, Par and Goldvane – after you two ran some pretty useless presidencies, quit, and then ran off to go write "Cheese Mongrel" or whatever the hell it is you're so proud of – it shocks me that you have the TEMERITY to not only backstab your community but then to comeback and criticise this site, and to criticise the only people who actually want to see it succeed. At the same time it also humours me, because it proves you can't let it go. Say all you want that this place is merely your side-entertainment, your 48-minute attempt to connect jumbled thoughts only highlights the tragedy that you're no longer big shots on the website you once knew and loved, so you've resorted to creating smoke-and-mirror illusions of your non-existant influence. Pity for you. '''I'd like to close with a heavy-handed yet relevant metaphor. '''The Special Snowflakes are the Bernie Sanderses of the wiki; much like Bernie, we recognise the key issues facing this site, and we know it's a time for drastic change. However, we face a broken, deceiptful system that does whatever it takes to hold on to power. We, being the commoners, the average Joes, the guys in those photos at rallies holding the signs about babies or drugs or something, continue to try nevertheless. And here's the thing: we'll always win. If you're still convinced we're power hungry, that's fine. There's really not much more I can say to change your unjustified and whimsical opinion. But much like Bernie, we've managed to send a message, and we will continue to do so. Each and every one of you understands the unbalance of the current system, because it was played out in full detail right before our eyes three nights ago. We now have every reason to believe that the president is not only ineffective, but also very corrupt. And to quote the lovely Joe Biden: "Fighting corruption is not just good governance. It's self-defense. It's patriotism." I respect this site, as do many others. It's a shame our president does not. '''TL;DR The special snowflakes are whiny, but for good reason. Par and Goldvane are mammoths. Also long live #ASSRAPE Category:Blog posts